“Oh God, Bob!” I heard my husband exclaim from his computer chair. “Why would you post that?”

Alarm bells were ringing in my head, but before I could make it to the desk — “Wait! Why is it saying I posted a comment? I didn’t post anything!” — it was too late. Hubby had fallen victim to the latest Facebook hack. Luckily, he was at least savvy enough not to click on the pop-up window that resulted, asking him to take a “quick survey” in order to post his comment.

How did these scammers outwit a guy who’s smart enough to have an MA in linguistics — not to mention smart enough to have .married me? The answer is simple and devious. By making it look like Bob, an army buddy of my husband’s and one of the sweetest, gentlest guys we’ve ever met, posted an especially nasty gross-out picture with an accompanying potty-mouthed comment, the hack shocked him into bypassing his critical thinking skills for a moment. What these hackers know is that shock works. Anger attracts, disgust attracts, full-on revulsion attracts. It’s the classic MO of the Internet “troll:” if you want to get a reaction, go for the negative. Recent Facebook and Twitter hacks that have unfortunately succeeded in going viral have included purported videos of gruesome current events from Osama Bin-Laden’s shooting to the assault allegedly committed by Dominique Strauss-Kahn, autopsy photos of the late Amy Winehouse, and a classic appeal to the imp of the perverse: “Did you see the mean thing someone said about you on this blog?”

Of course, as professional representatives of our client’s positive qualities, it’s the duty of social media and content pros to stay on the lighter side of the force and appeal to our audience’s better natures. For the survival of our industry, it’s imperative that there’s always a difference between a “flak” (a public relations professional) and a “hack” (a hacker, spammer or scammer”) — and not just a difference of methods, but of philosophy. We have to keep the faith that our clients’ merits will shine through if we showcase them proudly and honestly, no need for dishonest or prurient tactics.

But lately I’ve been thinking that maybe we could stand to take some notes from the “dark side:” after all, everyone who’s tried to solicit customer feedback online knows that angry customers are the most likely to speak up — and often the most entertaining when they do. Understandably, clients are often reluctant to try to harness that creative power. In a recent consultation, I was helping a hair salon owner to brainstorm questions to post in Facebook to drive interaction, and suggested “What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?” The client frowned. “Shouldn’t it say ‘best haircut’? After all, I don’t want people to associate us with bad haircuts.” I reassured her that it would be okay — people on the Internet love to rant, and asking people about their bad haircuts just proves that she’s confident that her salon provides good haircuts. And everyone gets to talk about that really bad perm they had in the 80s, or the time they got the “Friends” haircut (just like all their friends), and everybody’s happy. In that grumpy Internet sort of way.

Just look at ideeli, the luxury retail powerhouse known for deep discounts and legendary levels of Facebook and Twitter engagement. One of their regular features is the so-simple-it’s-genius “like or dislike,” in which they post a photo and name of a fashion item, like “pencil skirts” or “big sunglasses,” and ask fans to argue for “like” or “dislike” in the comments. The trick to maintaining engagement with such a simple exercise is keeping readers on their toes. Most of the time, the item in question will be a pretty classic or trendy favorite that will attract plenty of devotees, like stiletto heels or the little black dress. But every week or two, they’ll throw in something widely reviled like “acid-wash jeans” or “crocs,” and no doubt sit back and watch their engagement levels spike. Is ideeli worried that people will associate them with acid-wash jeans? I doubt it. They’re just capitalizing on fashion fans’ love of ragging on styles they dislike. I think of this as “soft trolling” — sure, it’s selling to people’s slightly lower impulses, but unlike in “real” trolling, everyone’s in on the joke, and it’s all in good fun.

A little bit further along on the troll scale is the Alamo Cinema and Drafthouse, a famous Texas establishment which chose to fan the flames on some very real customer anger. When the high-end movie theater’s ushers kicked a customer out of a movie for using her cell phone, she called their office and left a hysterically hyperbolic, foul-mouthed, drama bomb of a voicemail detailing her rights as an American citizen to text in the movie theater. Now, I know that like most social media reps, I encourage clients to use online channels to apologize to customers who complain and try to convert them into happy customers and even brand evangelists. But I’ve got to admit, the Alamo’s method has its own merits. Instead of apologizing, they took the incensed voicemail and turned it into a hilarious viral video, mocking the Angry Texting Lady and assuring other customers, by implication, that when they go to the Alamo they can enjoy their film in peace knowing that disruptive types will continue to be shown the door. The video was a huge viral hit — after all, who doesn’t hate people who use their cell phones in the theater?

Was the Alamo’s approach trolling? Well… a little bit. It was, after all, an attempt to manipulate people’s negative reactions for personal gain. But it was also funny, creative and, at heart, a genuine representation of one of the brand’s virtues — that they take movies seriously and cater to audiences who do, too. That’s why the campaign works at selling tickets and building loyalty, not just at ticking people off.

So are you ready to turn to the dark side? Don’t worry, I’m not encouraging you to make fun of your customers or, God forbid, post any creepy fake autopsy photos. But whether you’re filming an ad for YouTube or writing a Facebook post, remember to draw on your customer’s full range of emotions. They know that you want to make them happy… but sometimes it’s fun to be a little grumpy, too.

Todayʼs social media pop quiz question: how would your marketing strategy change if your product was… you?

These days, people sell everything over social media, from ice cream bars (seen that Magnum chocolate Twitter campaign?) to apartments. But just a few years ago, shy girls and lonely boys around the world were using emerging technology (and what we called “Web 2.0”) to sell something much more personal — their own love lives.

On dating sites like The Spark, Match.com, and OK Cupid, singles pioneered social marketing techniques like browsing through friends of friends, establishing trust through personalized connections, and creating “shareable” content that would be just memorable enough for a reader to want to show her friends without crossing the line into trying-too-hard. But most of these folks werenʼt proud of their status as social trailblazers: in the early days of online dating, daters were often embarrassed to let anyone know that they had to “resort” to joining a singlesʼ site instead of finding a mate the old-fashioned way.

Considering, though, that my social circle has always been a bit on the nerdy side, quite a few of my friends were early adopters to the online dating game. And since I was a writer, reasonably outgoing for a geek, and, most importantly, a girl, I often ended up with the job of helping well-meaning friends to tweak and perfect their profiles. Not too surprisingly, the lessons we learned in those days about using the web to advertise yourself still hold true if youʼre looking to advertise a slightly less personal product. For example:

Give them some eye candy. A profile with no pictures sets off alarm bells — not necessarily that the poster is ugly, but that theyʼre not that confident in themselves, or worse, that they knowingly stretched the truth in their description. The same goes for the Facebook page, blog, or Twitter feed you set up for your product: it just seems more trustworthy when thereʼs more than just text to look at. Let them know youʼve got nothing to hide.

Have a sense of humor — but not at your own expense. “Donʼt say bad things about your product” seems way too obvious to earn a mention on a list of marketing tips, but you might be surprised how hard it can be to balance an earthy sense of humor with the realities of text-based online communication. Self-deprecating jokes that can be hilarious in person, especially with friends who know you really well, can come off as insecure and really off-putting in a profile description. In product marketing, too, you can joke about a lot of things, especially in casual media like Facebook and Twitter. But never joke about how terrible your product is. Just donʼt.

But donʼt be arrogant, either. Just last week, a friend of mine told me about turning down a suitor on a gay dating site because the gentleman went out of the way to mention his “extra large”… um… personality. Not only is that tackier than a giftshop at Graceland, itʼs also rude to use social media for blatant bragging. When your message basically consists of “Iʼm so great. Iʼm better than everyone else here. You all know you want me!”, youʼre not being social, youʼre just being kind of a jerk.

Show that you value other people. One of the most common fixes Iʼd have my friends make was to replace solo pictures with pics of the profile-poster having fun with friends — even if those shots seemed less flattering. People donʼt want to see some guy taking a picture of himself in his bathroom mirror, they want to see that youʼre a “real person,” with a real life, who cares about other people and will presumably care about his hypothetical date. Similarly, when youʼre trying to build a fanbase for your brand, going out of your way to showcase personal relationships with customers will take you far. Try posting “fan letters” or pictures that customers send you to show how special these relationships are.

And personalize everything. On a dating site, never send a “generic” opening message — always read the personʼs profile and find something unique to them to talk to them about, and lead with that. Donʼt say “Hi, you look like a really interesting person!” Say “I see you play the French Horn. I play the oboe! How cool is that?” That way, the receiver knows that sheʼs not one of a hundred people getting the same form letter. Similarly, when responding to a comment or Tweet from a follower, take some time to find out who that person is and where theyʼre coming from. That way you can build a personal relationship, and a reputation as a brand that genuinely cares about its customer base.

The story of my involvement with online dating has a very happy ending — a few years later, I settled down and tied the knot with a wonderful man I had met on an online discussion forum. By the time of our wedding, studies were showing that up to a quarter of new relationships were being started online. Of course, that didnʼt stop the minister from making a terrible pun in the sermon about how my husband and I had “clicked” when we first met. Groan. But by following the same etiquette and strategy that can land you a hot date, you can create a lasting brand reputation of charm, respect and customer care. And you donʼt even have to pay for dinner!

In case you haven’t heard, this has been a huge week for interactive media. From last Friday to this Tuesday, from luminaries in the field and representatives of giants like Facebook and Apple, to the greenest of start-ups and job-seekers, everyone’s gathered in Austin, TX for South by Southwest interactive, attending panels, trying demos of new products, and partying harder than any of them will probably admit when they come home. “Southby” is business, but it’s also fun — in an industry where people know each other by screen names and posting styles, the convention is a way to attach names to faces and get an idea of who you might be working with in the future, as well as who your customers, backers, and competitors might be. It’s also not just a tech event — the simultaneous music and film festivals going on mean that creativity, artistic expression, and the rock-star lifestyle are never far away, even when someone’s trying to sell their startup to Google or learning how to develop a tablet app.

The Creative Media People’s Kelly Utt-Grubb is currently at Southby, representing both the firm itself and the startup social networking site Letterberry. She’s been sending missives along the various social networks, updating us on the exciting things that happen when the interactive media industry actually gets together face to face. So what are we all going to be talking about this year? Here are some of the possibilities.

* Foursquare, the location-based network that took the web by storm in 2010, isn’t done taking over the world just yet. The site, which allows users to “check in” at locations like a coffee shop or nightclub and invite friends to come join them, plans to expand in 2011 by creating something called a Venue Harmonization Map, which sounds complicated but is really just a way to link places on Foursquare with the corresponding place in the database of other networks like Twitter and Facebook, to make it easier to share locations across social networks.

*Blogger, the Google-owned blogging platform that’s been around since “blog” was a weird-sounding new word that people didn’t think would really catch on, is completely redesigning its user interface, presumably to compete with faster-growing and more buzzed-about platforms like Wordpress. The redesign is still in beta, but visitors to the Blogger booth at SXSW were invited to try it out.

*Google hosted an event called the League of Extraordinary Hackers, inviting attendees to take part in fun activities like building robots out of Lego toys, with the goal of promoting awareness of the importance of technology education. The proceeds of the event — and the Legos — went to schools that support the goals of women in technology. Look for the LEH to appear in the future as this campaign goes viral.

*Video game company Insomniac Games announced that they’re creating a division called Insomniac Click, designed to fuse console gaming with casual social gaming — like FarmVille and Angry Birds. Insomniac refused to see social gaming as a threat to console gaming, and instead sees it as an opportunity to move the industry in a new direction. Game industry superpowers Bioware and Electronic Arts also took part in the panel discussing the social future of gaming.

*“Gameification” continues to be a hot topic in the industry. Author and developer Jane McGonigal and game developer Seth Priebatsch discussed this phenomenon — the strategy of using “game mechanics” like earning points, beating missions, and as Charlie Sheen would say, “winning,” in real-world applications from marketing to motivating employees — at a hot panel at SXSW, and speculated on its applications to social media. One example they used was a new social app called LevelUp!, which encourages shoppers to earn discounts through loyalty to certain stores.

Southby Interactive finishes up tomorrow, but attendees will have the option to stick around for the continuing music and film festivals, catch some unforgettable live performances, and further bond with their new friends in the industry.

Are you, or is anyone you know, attending SXSW? What news from the festival are you most excited about? Tell us in the comments! And check back for more updates on what these new developments and what they could mean for your business.

Have you ever belonged to a book club? Gathered in the break room at work to talk about last night’s episode of Lost or American Idol? Gone to a movie with friends and discussed it over drinks afterward?

If you have, congratulations, you’re a part of something called participant culture. It’s not a new thing — the impulse to enhance entertainment with social commentary, or to enhance bonds between friends and neighbors with shared enjoyment of entertainment, has existed throughout history and across cultures. New technologies just introduce new ways for people to follow their social instinct to share things they like with their friends and families.

Back when William Shakespeare’s plays were the talk of the town in Elizabethan London, people of all social classes would go to the theater to show off their outfits, be seen in the best seats they could afford (or stand on the ground if they couldn’t), chat with their friends, and even yell comments and criticism at the actors. The plays themselves often included jokes and commentary about people in the audience, both ad-libbed by the actors and written in by Shakespeare himself — and of course the audience would call right back to let everyone know how they felt about those jabs. Talk about a social media experience! Just imagine what the Bard could have done with a smartphone and a Twitter feed.

Plenty of other cultures have historically incorporated social life with the arts, as well.  Competitive poetry recitals, group storytelling, and call-and-response singing are all age-old forms of social media. When TV and movies started to overtake reading as forms of entertainment, some cultural critics fretted that these media would be unhealthy because they represent a more “passive” form of consumption. They needn’t have worried; the development of new media has, if anything, demonstrated that people can make absolutely anything interactive and social instead of passive and one-way. Even TV commercials, often described in the ultimate in passive media, are now interactive, as viewers create parodies on YouTube, send text-message responses to earn discounts and rewards, and, in the case of a recent StateFarm Insurance ad campaign, even vote on Facebook to determine which ad will be aired on TV. The powerful impulse to participate in culture means that no cultural product is completely passive; everything can be remixed, re-interpreted, shared and spun and commented on.

What the new wave of social media means is that not only can anyone take part in this tradition — anyone can be the person to start the conversation. By encouraging your readers, visitors, and customers to participate, you’re validating strong cultural instincts that they already have, inviting them to share in a ritual of friendship with you. Remember that every time you compose a tweet, facebook status, or blog post, your goal is to encourage engagement, response and sharing. You’re not just talking at people, you’re inviting them to interact with you.

Try ending a blog post with a question, asking readers for their input. Instead of just posting a photo that you like on facebook, include an invitation for fans to add their favorite photos to your wall. Post “video responses” on Youtube, and call for responses to your own videos, too. By creating a conversation, you’re letting people have a personal, friendly relationship with you, encouraging them to tell their friends about you and what you do. If a visitor feels like they’re
really involved in an interaction, it gives them a story about themselves to tell: “this is the cool thing I said to this blogger, and here’s how she responded” rather than “oh, I read this blog post last week,” which is a story that doesn’t really involve them and is therefore less interesting to tell.

Think about your favorite experiences of participating in culture. For instance, when I was thirteen or so, I wrote a letter to my favorite author asking for her advice on becoming a writer myself. She wrote me back a lovely letter encouraging me to keep practicing every day and to read a wide variety of books, and thanking me very nicely for my compliments on her work. A dozen years later, I still remember that interaction and how it made me feel, like I was really
somebody in the eyes of a person I greatly admired. Has a cultural interaction ever made you feel like that?

Well, that’s what you’re shooting for in your interactions with you audience. Whenever you have the opportunity, think of how you can let them know that you see them as real people, not just numbers on a hit counter or words on a screen. Let them know that their interaction is an important part of what you do. That’s not just some recent trend or buzzword; it’s been a major force in world cultures since the first group of people sat down around a campfire to tell stories. Participant culture is what gives your words or images the power to transform into something bigger.

“People don’t read.” It’s pretty much the defining maxim of  these days, and — within certain contexts — it’s often true. As a member of Generation Y, I’ve been hearing for most of my life that kids these days just can’t focus, won’t pay attention for more than a few minutes, and have no patience for any work of literature longer than a 140-character Tweet. This attitude can make it seem like verbal content doesn’t really matter; the word “content” even kind of sounds like a nicer way of saying “filler.” For those who are new to blogging and online content publishing, it can be a discouraging message to receive.

Of course, anyone who’s even casually interested in literature knows that every so often there’s a fad for cynicism about the very act of reading and writing. Nobody reads anymore; people just buy smart-looking books to decorate their shelves, etc, etc. And sure, a lot of people do, just like a lot of people share smart-looking blog posts on Facebook without actually reading them. To be a highly successful writer either in traditional publishing or in the blogosphere, you pretty much have to accept that a certain percent of your audience are doing this, and that that’s okay, really. But that never has to be your purpose as a writer, and now more than ever, it’s possible to really, truly write for the handful of people who will really, truly read and understand your message, not just those who would like to look like someone who does.

Back when I got started in the blogging business, I was told that my writing was “not for human eyes” — I was writing text for the benefit of search engines, which at the time were calibrated to search for certain common “keywords” and prefer sites that repeatedly used those searched-for words. So my job was to write for the search engines, and if in the process I could manage to squeeze in a message that an actual human being might find compelling, well, that was a nice side benefit. After a while it got to be a little bit depressing! But these days, search engines like Google have changed their algorithms to focus less on keywords, and more on reader-driven factors like how many people link to your site, thus motivating us bloggers to concentrate on writing things that we think other people will connect with and want to share with their friends. Of course, there are ways to exploit that, too — tying in blog posts to current hot topics and linking to more popular blogs are convenient ways to ensure that you get more links — but even using those strategies will help your blog find its way to the “right” readers, the people who will genuinely appreciate what you have to say.

Because honestly, I can’t even count the number of times a blog post has changed the way I look at a political issue, business practice, or aspect of my everyday life. To name-check a few favorites: Latoya Peterson at Racialicious has constantly made me re-think my assumptions about feminism and race. Havi Brooks at The Fluent Self blog has taught me to manage my time without constantly freaking out. And Sady Doyle at the awesomely-named Tiger Beatdown inspires me to speak up when something in the culture around me creeps me out or insults my intelligence. The medium of blogging is ephemeral, sure — who hasn’t had the experience of looking for a blog post they remember reading and finding it completely vanished from the face of the Web? — but that doesn’t mean that the ideas and points of view it expresses can’t be profound, powerful, or fascinating.

There’s a lot of noise out there, yes, and a lot of empty clicking and scanning going in. But the blogosphere is also full of passionate people writing and reading about what they truly love — whether it’s politics, software, or building model trains. Join them to reach people who truly “get” and care about your particular message, and build relationships that go way beyond clicking the “like” button.